Neg and Nag and Pick

Negatives all the time
Feeling pulled apart
With so much wrong with me
Why did we even start
You clearly had a plan
To neg and nag and pick
To tie me up in knots
To twist me until I’m sick
I told you that’s enough
I said please leave alone
My core and central traits
Or risk being on your own
You couldn’t let me go
You didn’t let me be
The bad is all you saw
You saw no good in me
Or at least so it seemed
From what you did each day
So now I’ve turned you down
And tried to run away
Upset and feeling low
I miss you in spite of how we were
You’ll find your match in time
Someone you love for who they are

Survive

A visit to one who’s love comes with condition and at a cost
A reminder of a mother supportive but now lost
A day to get through waters troubled by staying at the surface
Doing what can be done to not let in negative emotions for no purpose

The Selfish One

It’s confusing that you’re never
Going to make the time
To listen to my problems
I’ll take it as a sign
That the care you have is selfish
Aimed at you and you alone
You don’t want strong relations
You can’t build a happy home
You’ve told me I’m not caring
You’ve said I have to raise my game
But if one of us is failing
Then you’re the one to blame
You could have asked me how I’m doing
Could have made more space for me
Instead you started hurling insults
You passed out pain so willingly
Now I’ve seen what you are doing
I can’t rest until we are done
From now our bond is broken
I’m off, away from this selfish one

I’ve Seen this Movie

It’s the first time I’ve seen it
Maybe I’ve felt it forever
She’s just like my ex
We cannot be together
How have I missed the signals
Why couldn’t I see the signs
She’s not what I am after
To her nature I’ve been blind
Don’t think she has an idea
That this pattern’s a pattern
But she heard all I had to say
And knows this will matter
I’ve seen this repeated movie
The end of burning flames
We cannot go on any further
I can’t cope with rerun games

It’s you I want to shelter

When the rain falls hard
From a dark brooding sky
It’s you I want to shelter
Even now. I don’t know why?
We’ve not been together
We’ve been so far apart
But it’s you in my head
When I feel low in my heart
What we had was an epic
That rolls on beyond its time
You define real belonging
I was yours and you were mine
I huddle in our shadow
And take comfort from the cold
That even though we ended
Our love does not feel old
There beneath my consciousness
It’s wrapped around my soul
So that when I’m losing hope
I feel it renew my life’s goal
Of finding someone as good
Finding someone just as true
Lifting her into my arms
And loving her instead of you

Broken Dreams

Broken dreams
Surround me it seems
Desires when I was life sure
Are torn apart, no more
A marriage at an end
Friendships I can’t mend
Close family at war
Bruised, battered and sore
You had given me hope
New dreams, emotions evoked
Hand held
Past demons felled
You felt what I felt
Lives meld
Differences were always there
Issues, conflicting beliefs aired
As all else merged
These conflicts diverged
Try as hard as we might
Our love forced them tight
But never together.
This dream wasn’t real
Despite the appeal
Of a new hope new goal
A chance to form one whole
Love. Defining what life means
Amongst a field of broken dreams

Rollercoaster Love

Over the top
Shuddering car doors open
All aboard the rollercoaster ride
Lights shine all the fun of the fair
Tickets taken, excitement you cannot hide

No safety barrier can you close
As rickety train takes to the skies
Panicked, hold on for dear life
Until off the rails your ride flies

Detached, derailed, decoupled
Over the brow of looping track
Free falling without control or plan
The end; with no turning back

Then suddenly you ride the loop
The path meets you, up you soar
Head in the clouds, ecstatic
Joyous, in love, once more

Space to Repair

Silent start to a new day
The voice of my heart, away
My companion of a year
Withdrawn for now I fear
A morning hello, we now forgo
How she is on waking, I don’t know
Our routine, interrupted rightly
We’ve lost the mutual care nightly
A chance for rebuilding space
To stop hanging on for days,
And days, when we know we are done
When we know, we are not each other’s one
It’s a good step for us to pause
Give time, and not a friendship force
Time heals and heads clear
We will repair without being near
I hope we can talk, renew our love
As friends, once we’ve recovered enough

The Food’s Cooked

Table set for two
Food cooked,
I wait for you
You’ve not phoned
There’s no text
WhatsApp’s empty too
I’ve poured the wine
I was on time
And so I wait for you
You’ve always been
Punctual it seems
So why now leave me to hang
Was it my mistake
Are your feelings fake?
Does another your love take?
The foods cooked
I wait for you
Don’t give me more time
To wonder what to do

Ready for him

Cold and calm
Prepped for arm in arm
Be cool, look good
Do as you should
Don’t share too soon
Ask how he’s doing
Talk all about him
Give away nothing
If asked, stay cool
Be fun, not the fool
Stay loose, chat
Know where it’s at
Need him less,
than he needs you
Stay in control
Know what to do
If you like him, let on
Be strong.
That’s the best way to see it through.

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