Solace you seek

Chattering voices
Hammer at my brow
Bickering rivals
In endless bitter row

Conflicting views
To stay or to go
To love or to leave
To say yes or cry no

Imagined responses
To arguments not made
What ifs of harrowing hurt
To statements unsaid

Resolution remote
Cross our unspoken divide
Courage gathered to try
Now tempted to hide

Enter the fray
Start talking your mind
Explain how you feel
Gentle, forthright and kind

Dappled light
Enters mild and meek
Fleeting taste of
The solace you seek

Dog biscuits in my pocket

Didn’t know we weren’t complete
Didn’t see the vacant space
That was there for you all along
Your new position at our place

Sleeping under the table
Curled up by me on the couch
Your den nestled in the corner
Leads, toys and training pouch

Hectic greetings of an evening
“Old man” walking off to bed
Proud of you playing at the dog park
Images for all time in my head

You’ll forever be a Sanders
You’ll always be our loving Miska
Thanks for all you’ve given us
The dog we’d always wished for

I will miss you in the morning
Your company I will grieve
Dog biscuits in my pocket
Broken heart upon my sleeve

Tortuous Force

Drip drip drip

Constant the prod to wake

To never settle into sleep

Unconscious thought to take

Tug tug tug

Threads of anxious plans

What ifs and wherefores

Confidence fails to stand

Lost lost lost

The calming blanket gone

Nerves left bare

Blackboard with nails upon

Tap tap tap

Can’t escape the source

Peace no more

Blue light tortuous force

Contactless Now Go

Headphones on, the stairs I descend
Dreaming of the working days end
Step onto empty littered street
With no one around to greet
Turn and head for the northern tube
Past the fractured bus stop queue
Pause for coffee to ease morning low
Attempt to break the silence with hello
The barista doesn’t want to know
Hands over the cup and leaves you contactless now go

Train filled with vacant stares
Commuters who aren’t really there
Minds away from where they are
Thoughts of escape to take them off afar
Grey bubbles passing from A to Z
Repeated patterns from first breath to bed
Eyes fixed on the slatted floor,
Standing, waiting, but what for?
Didn’t we all want more?
Cold and contactless huddled lonely by the door

No Valentine’s Day

How many souls wake
On Valentines day
And wish the next
Twenty four hours go away
The focus on lovers
Plans to be open hearted
Depresses the lonely
Or where love has departed
Those people see gaps
A lack of love, card or cure
For their emptiness feeling
The pain they endure
For them no red roses
No chocolate treat
No dinner together
No-one for a secret meet.
They’re reminded they’re solo
With a partner vacancy
Their independence questioned
As spinster complacency.
You must find someone
To find your real purpose
Shout the masses and billboards
So loud that it hurts us.
If you wake on the fourteenth
Without significant others
Seemingly lonesome
Don’t hide under the covers
Go out and stand tall
Look your friends in the eye
You’re amazing, just you
You don’t need a guy
Or a girl or a partner
Unless that’s what you choose
And even then couples
Mix joy and the blues
So remember right now
Candied versions of love
Are not the reality
Cos the reality’s tough
You decide what you want
Be strong, sweet or sappy
Don’t let others decide
What you need to be happy

Love’s not a Source of Fear

There will come a time, you’ll see
When love won’t be a source of fear
There’s a future where you’ll be free
To open your heart to someone near
The scars of aching breaks and falls
Can heal and hurt be wiped clean
Believe in a love that never stalls
Trust, you’ll find what life can mean

Why Did You Say That?

Why was it that you said
Just before we went to bed
You feared we might not be
That tomorrow night we’d see
If a week of texts and calls
Had any real grounds at all
How could you think it so
How is it you don’t know
That while we’ve not had time
Cannot prove that we’re aligned
There’s a bond between us two
A passion in me for you
Reasons to believe this match
Will all doubts dispatch
And that while we wait to see
If this will last, you for me
And me for you, in love
Believe this might be enough

Island Sanctuary

A need to rest, mind at ease
To reach the island sanctuary
Beach, sun, palm trees
A return to self as primary
For self care, a chance to repair
To remove the grinding stress
Time to observe, breathe in fresh air
Clear mind, remove guilt and regrets
De-knot shoulders, feel alive
Reflect, work out what’s true
From fear cease to hide
Get back to being just you
Consider the solace in another
Think about what they might bring
Deliberate a life together
Maybe change everything
Seek a place to be calm
Oasis in a sea of strain
Safe, away from harm
Recover out of the rain

Battles of the Exes

Battle of the exes
Fight to the end
Final landed blow
No longer a friend
No longer civil
Trying to lay blame
Wherever they will
To avoid the shame
Of a bonding fail
That might be due
To their actions
Don’t continue
To hit out at me
When I gain zero
Can’t fix this mess
Neither of us heroes
Neither of us evil
We just tried and fell
Fell short of the goal
But no need for hell
In trying to point fingers
To assess exact whys
Dragging us to negatives
Make us each other despise
Stop this tirade
Just rest and calm
Move to be still again
Don’t attack or self harm
We’ve both learned
Both added to heart and mind
Repair and heal
You will another find

Try to be Happy

Some things in life are simple
Some out of your control
You can overthink it all you like
For a lot, you’ve not got a decision making role
But there are some steps more considered
That result in big forks in the road
Where a choice will lead to change
Build paths anew, make other paths explode
The pros and cons can be listed
You have to weigh the good and the bad
Consider the impacts on love ones
Maybe gamble to find the thing you never had
It’s not possible to see the outcome
You can see the damage to be caused
So such decisions need time
Not taken lightly, they cannot be forced.
In the midst of a dilemma
Overcome by concerns and fear
Sometimes the decisions are still simple
Follow you heart, be yourself, keep hope near
Be all you can be
Try to be happy
You will do the right thing.

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