Room to Let

Mind ticking over
Without focused care
Thought jumps to thought
Frantic, erratic, nothing there
There’s a hole far inside
Your mental space vacancy
Thinking once used for you and I
Means heart and head lie empty
It seems even when apart
You resided deep within
A modelled version of you
Where I knew what was happening
A room where I always had a view
So when we said no more
You left me twice, once for real, then
You vacated my internal penthouse floor
I’ve mentally bounced around
As I care take your room
Lonely, with a constant sense
You’ll be back soon.

But you never will.

Tears in my Eyes

A pain at my centre
Tears in my eyes
An ache for emotion
All thoughts I despise
Stuck in the moment
When I’m sat with you
You broken in pain
Because, we are through.
The love in between us
Grown ever-so fast
Was real and gave hope
Of a bond, built to last
But the differences
Rose from within to without
Proving no future
Decided, no doubt.
Still emotional tethers
Connect you and I
Hence the pain I am feeling
And the tears in my eyes.

Your Absence

Silence in your absence
No messages to make the day seem sweet
No plans with friends, dates out together
No secret romantic late night meet.
Feelings still active, heart still engaged
Daydreaming about you, wondering how you are
Wanting to make sure you are happy, protected
But unable to contact you, distant, apart.
Can’t tell you about my day, how it went
Can’t share my successes, fears or how I feel
Can’t plan for our future, can’t see a way through
With no witness, no partner, life looses its appeal.
There is no one to protect, no goal for my love
You’re not at my side, my hand has no pair
Existence is loneliness, melancholy, solitude
You’re not here, worst of all I know you’re not there.

I Choose to Leave

It’s not as it was
Stoic silent stance
I’m hurt and worried
Theres no second chance
To make good the bad
Words you said in rage
That hit at my heart
Can I turn the page?
Keep on writing
This tale of two in love
When one is so unkind
Sorry is not enough
The pattern revealed
Repeats for all time
A give and take divide
No one shines
You don’t love me
In a way that I’d like
I can’t make you happy
Try as I might
You go find yourself
I’ll my hope retrieve
I chose to love you
Now I choose to leave

Don’t Leave Me

Say it
Tell me you do
Don’t leave me like this
I’ve said it to you
Say you love me
This has all been a dream
And on waking
Stop the pain extreme
I cannot cope
There is no way
For me to repair
After this torrid day
You’ve rocked me
You’ve sprung a trap
Said you need an out
Because of the gap
Between you and I
How I am and what you need
You’ve made a choice
But it’s not agreed
Just say you do
Or even that you might
Don’t end all this
When happiness was in sight

Out of the Rat Race

I’m out of the rat race
Out of the fight
To get into work
Get home at night
The push on the platform
The squeeze, holding a rail
The heat in the summer
Groans when services fail
Seated, sleeping commuters
People, for others, making way
The books they are reading
New faces each day
I’m out of the rat race
Out of the fight
I’m already missing it
Escape as I might

I Know I Will See You

It’s just been a day
Since I saw you last
A full twenty four hours
Taking their time as they pass
The minutes tick tock,
Each second drags languid and long
The clock hands seem rigid
As time, like treacle, goes on
Tonight, thank the heavens
I will see you once more
But these waiting hours are
Much longer than ever before
Someone’s messed with the rules
That govern time and space
And corrupted my world
With stasis in its place
What once was a Tuesday
Now takes weeks to go by
And the seconds are heavy
Time just will not fly
I know I will see you
In less than half a day
So I’ll wish and I’ll wish
All that time goes away

Black Dog Calls

Cornered, trapped
Black dog calls
Melancholy
Towering walls
Lift descends
Bottom of the well
Sinking stomach
Feeling unwell
Lack of grip
No steps to take
Fallen down
Laid low, a fake
The masquerade
Of muddling through
Slips and breaks
Exposing you
Not good enough
Not happy or glad
Loathing of self
Bereft and sad
An anxious mind
Crushes all hope
Poisoned heart
With no antidote
Numbed from joy
Immersed in pain
Doused in dark
In tears again
The black dog calls
I sit alone
Surviving hurt
All on my own

Together Down River

A day afloat
Creating happy waves
Aboard a narrowboat
And as the dull light fades
A cosy fire, warm room
She prepares to go out
We are leaving soon
A couple in no doubt
That here is harmony
Between these two
Without words many
Love is in what they do
Comfort in small gains
Talking so as to grow
Therapy airing old pains
Sharing so as to better know
Themselves and each other
Aware of attachment style
Their secure base uncovered
Together down river for a very long while

Time to Go

Time to go out
Like now not then
It’s time we were away
Should I say it again
To get there in time
Out the door we should be
I’d have left by now
If it were just up to me
Ten minutes she says
As she crosses the house
Then gets distracted
My common law spouse
She seems ready to leave
Then needs one more thing
It’s time to go out
But waiting for her is a win

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